Wanderpriester!
by Mongoose
Summary: Zelas Metallium's plot brews forth with new developments... what is the purpose of the new (and improved?) Rezo?...Valgaav seeks true love wherever it can be found (or made?)...Lina fights for her life...and Animal God Official Xellos is there for it all.
1. Galileo

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the simply the latest in a series of stories by me that all take place in the same continuum. As such, it would behoove you read my other two stories, _All in a Day's Work_ and _Load of Nightmare_ if you want any of it to make sense (of course, even still, I can't guarantee that it will). 

Once again, I owe the title of my story to bizarre translation software. I owe the inspirations for the gags in this story to coffee, my friends, too much exposure of the internet, and my own sick, twisted imagination. I owe one of my friends around 68,000 yen or so. 

And I take absolutely no responsibility for anyone who gets offended because they took something that I wrote in this story too seriously. If the 'Parody/Humor' categorization didn't tip you off, then I'll say it outright: just read it and laugh. No one's really accusing Valgaav of having hot, nasty sex with an anthrofox. 

* * *

**Wanderpriester!**

"Curses! She's found us!" 

The shouting caused him to awaken. It took his eyes a few moments to adjust to the light as it streamed in through the glass chamber and through the liquid that surrounded him. Although he could feel that the strange fluid that he was floating in was warm, it nonetheless made him cold. He had grown used to this, however; right now, whatever was causing this ruckus was foremost on his mind. 

_"Fire... BALL!"_

A young woman's voice rang out from down the hallway, followed by the sounds of an explosion. Her voice was hauntingly familiar for some reason. Another woman screeched loudly, her piercing shriek sounding out clearly even over the blast created by the fireball. 

"We have to do something!" 

"Obviously, you fool! But how can we face up to _her_?" 

He could hear a group of men shouting back and forth. Oddly enough, they all shared the same voice. One of them passed in front of his tank. He could not perceive color properly due to the liquid, but the man was clad in flowing robes and had what appeared to be a jewel embedded in his forehead. 

_"Damu Bras!"_

Once again, the familiar woman's voice cried out with an incantation. He could hear stone and glass breaking from the other room. The image of a lush head of chestnut-colored hair floated across his mind's eye. 

"Copy Zangulus has been destroyed! Somebody _stop_ her before she ruins everything!" 

It was one of the identical male voices again. Shouts of panic and pain filled the background. 

"Gourry, don't just stand there! I could use a little help!" 

_Gourry..._ Why did that name sound agonizingly familiar even though he could not put a face to it? 

_"Light, come forth!"_

"Jellyfish-brains! You don't _have_ the Sword of Light anymore, remember?" 

Bickering... Why did he have the feeling that the headache he was getting from hearing these two shout back and forth was _also_ painfully familiar? 

"Lord Zoamelgustar, save me!" 

The shrill voice of the second woman cried out again. Luckily enough, _her's_ was a voice that he did not remember. 

"We mustn't let her get to Rezo!" 

One of the men just outside of his tank stopped and turned, looking back at him. He flashed him a bitter look of apology. 

_"Zelas Goto!"_

_What a strange choice of spell... in closed quarters like these, I'd opt for Gaav Flare, myself..._

_Wait..._ Why did he know what a Gaav Flare was? 

"Somebody get it off me!" 

Yet another of the many identical voices screamed in horror, only to be cut off by a horrible squelching sound. An uncomfortable chill shot up his spine, as he instinctually knew--for whatever reason--that what he had heard was a human head being torn from the body by the tentacle of a giant magical jellyfish. 

"Don't open that! We haven't finished restoring his memories yet! She'll kill us for sure when she finds out!" 

"We don't have a choice! He'll be helpless inside the Copy Chamber!" 

Suddenly, the fluid drained from the tank in an eyeblink. The glass whooshed open from top t bottom, and he staggered forth, not used to feeling his own weight. One of the robed men caught him before he stumbled. 

"Run, Your Holiness! We shall fight here. If any of us survive, we shall find you." 

"But..." 

For what felt like the first time ever, he heard his own voice. Even with only one word, he was forced to admit that it was a rather sexy voice, at that. 

_"Freeze Arrow!"_

The robed men had apparently begun to fight back, finally. But how long had even passed since he had awoken? Minutes? Seconds? 

"Please, Your Holiness! Escape! Don't worry about us!" With that, the last of the identical sorcerers turned and ran down the hallway to join the fray. 

Left all alone, the man from the tank followed his instincts and fled... 

-=~=-

"Harder!" 

How much did Jillas expect of him? How much harder did he need to _do_ this before the fox was satisfied? 

"No, harder!" 

Valgaav bit his lip in frustration, and pounded harder. 

"If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you'd never done this before," Jillas said, his voice twanging with just the faintest hint of frustration. 

"Look, I'm doing this for _you_, all right? Could you at least _try_ to be less nagging about it?" 

Jillas sighed and sat up, and patted Valgaav on the shoulder lightly. "Why don't I take over?" he suggested. 

Valgaav sighed. This was so demeaning. He felt like Jillas had just surmounted a part of his masculinity. 

Jillas got to his feet. "Here, move over a bit," he said, putting his hands on Valgaav's shoulders. The fox slid him to the side a bit, and then he clutched him be the wrists, wrenching at his hands. "Can't you be more cooperative?" Jillas whined. 

"Okay! Fine!" Valgaav responded, folding his arms and pouting. Jillas took the hammer in his hand and started banging away at the nail in the wall. Soon, the painting was hanging nicely in place over their fireplace. 

"See? Isn't that much better?" Jillas asked. He placed his hand lightly on the Ancient Dragon's shoulder. 

Valgaav cracked a smile. "Yeah, you're right," he admitted. There had never been much need to hang things on the walls back when he was with Gaav, and so his housemaking skills were a bit lacking--aside from his cooking ability, that was. He took great pride in knowing that he could whip up meals that would knock Jillas' socks off. 

Jillas leaned over and gave Valgaav a sweet kiss on the cheek. "I didn't mean to imply that you were useless. But honestly, hammering a nail into a wall shouldn't be that big of a deal. Especially for someone who has such big, strong forearms like you do, honey." If Jillas' fur was not already a bright red, Valgaav would have sworn that he was blushing. 

"Well, it _is_ a very nice picture," Valgaav said simply, putting his arm around Jillas and drawing him close. Jillas had gone and commissioned a portrait of the two of them from a local painter. Valgaav thought that perhaps the artist had been a _bit_ too flattering in capturing his good looks, but was not about to complain. The fox rested his head on his shoulder and sighed happily. 

"Isn't it perfect?" Jillas mused aloud. "The two of us together..." 

Valgaav smiled. "It is. I'm so glad you went and had this made for us." 

Jillas lifted his head up and winked at Valgaav with his one eye. "I wasn't talking about the picture," he said, wrapping his other arm around him and nuzzling his muzzle against his shoulder. 

With a happy grin, Valgaav reached down and gently rubbed his hand through Jillas' fur between his ears. He took comfort in knowing that his fox would be there with him through thick and thing, but something still rested uneasy within his Ancient Dragon soul. Something was still tugging at him on the inside, and it made him feel really awkward, especially when Jillas was being overly affectionate towards him (on top of the awkwardess that already resulted from the fact that his lover was covered in fur). 

Gaav... 

The Demon Dragon King had died and come back to him once. Was it that much of a farfetched thought to expect that it might happen again someday? Part of Valgaav still wanted to keep believing in that faint hope, even while Jillas slowly brought his hand up to his chest and rubbed it lovingly... 

-=~=-

Xellos' eyes twinkled with spite as a sneer crossed his face. He was going to enjoy this. With a single motion, he brought his hand down, striking his target so hard that spatters of red stained his robes. Then, he looked down at his handiwork and grinned with satisfaction. 

**DENIED**

The crimson seal had been slapped on perfectly over the latest of Xellos' request forms. Apparently, Cuddles the Safety Otter was wanting to take Bucky the Safety Beaver to court for having "ripped off his gig." Xellos had no time for such nonsense. In reality, such a claim was supposed to be made with the Anthropomorphic Mascot Council and Regulation Commission, not with the Animal God Official. Despite this, Xellos merely wrote _"That is a secret"_ in the 'Reason for Denial' box and slid the form into his outbox. 

Sighing heavily, Xellos kicked back in his chair. He surveyed his rebuilt office with the tiniest amount of bitterness. After having been forced back into his job as Animal God Official, he had done a much better job of behaving himself. He knew that the alternative was to face another night with "Lulu," or perhaps--even worse--Filia on heavy medication. Granted, his job was still a thankless (and often pointless) one, but Xellos puttered about his day-by-day existence, hoping that one day the Greater Beast would bless him with a better assignment. Heck, getting lent out to Hellmaster Phibrizzo in order to mess things up for Chaos Dragon Gaav had been _fun_, damnit! The little stint involving Almayce and Darkstar had been fairly entertaining as well. 

Xellos wished that there were some mischief that he could cause. Perhaps he could "accidentally" misfile some paperwork and end up getting Dilgear to spend a "romantic" night with Zelgadis Graywords. But common sense took over and knew that he'd end up getting stuck with the _both_ of them in a rather compromising position if he got caught. 

There was still much paperwork to be done before the day's end. Animal God Official Xellos sighed and went back to his duties. 

-=~=-

The men back in the underground laboratory had kept mentioning "Rezo." 

_Is that my name?_ He desperately wanted to know. "Hello, my name is Rezo," he said aloud to himself as he walked. Saying it somehow felt right. Also, hearing his voice was a treat in and of itself. 

_Very well. Until I find out differently, my name is Rezo._ And so "Rezo" continued walking, hoping to find some answers in the next town. 

At least he wasn't naked anymore. Someone had been kind enough to give him an old yet comfortable robe to cover himself with. Or perhaps the sight of seeing him nude was too much to bear. Rezo did not want to guess if that was in the positive or the negative sense. But as much as he was appreciative of the musty brown clothing, he somehow felt that he would look so much prettier if he were wearing red. The sound of howling wolves echoed in the distance. Rezo kept on walking, hoping that he would reach the next town before-- 

_Wait a second... wolves?_ Wolves weren't active at this time of day, and they weren't supposed to live in habitats like this... 

Three gray shadowed forms suddenly slipped through Rezo's peripheral vision. Their howls had made them sound deceptively further away than they actually were. Or perhaps they were just unnaturally fast. 

Spreading out into a three-point formation, the wolves rounded back and began to sprint towards him. He tried to keep his eye on all three at once, but they kept shuffling back and forth so quickly that he could only manage to ever trail two at the same time. Eventually, the closest one to him leapt into the air, baring its fangs. Rezo held up his arms and shouted in shock. 

_"Flare Bit!"_

Rezo recoiled in surprise at his own actions as the repeated blasts of energy shot forth from his hands, effectively and messily tearing the wolf apart in a second. While dazed at the power he had just demonstrated, he failed to notice in time that the second wolf had already jumped forth as well. He spun to the side, but the wolf caught his shoulder with its muzzle, and its fangs tore a large piece of flesh from him. Rezo stumbled to the side, but pivoted on one foot and pointed his other arm at the wolf just as it landed. 

_"Blam Blazer!"_ he cried out, and an energy beam streamed out from his open palm, disintegrating the wolf's entire front half. He clutched at the wound in his shoulder and muttered under his breath. _"Recovery!"_

Almost instantly, Rezo felt the gaping hole seal up, and the flow of blood ceased. Things were happening so fast. 

_How do I know these spells? Where does this power I have come from?_

Rezo looked up and frantically looked around for the third wolf, feeling its presence, but not seeing it anywhere. He knew that any second it could pop out of hiding and-- 

The snarl came from directly behind him. Rezo turned to face the wolf, but in doing so lost his footing and fell to the ground. Knowing that no time remained to cast a spell, he covered his head with his arms and shouted in fear. 

_"Freeze Arrow!"_

Rezo opened his eyes to see the wolf get smacked out of the air by the spell projectile. The wolf was encased in a block of ice before it even hit the ground. He turned his head to the side, his heart pounding hard in his chest as gazed up at his savior. 

"_OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-_ho ho ho ho ho! Looks like you're a lucky one indeed!" 

Dumbstruck, Rezo looked up at the woman who had cast the spell as she brought a hand near her face, her laugh pulsating against his eardrums. From her clothing, she was obviously some type of sorceress, albeit an unorthodox one. She was also rather buxom. Or perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that she was inordinately well-endowed. _No, that's still not right..._ The woman had enormous breasts. 

"I... I..." Rezo stuttered foolishly. At least his voice was still sexy, though. "To whom do I owe I the debt of my life?" he asked with more composure. 

The sorceress flashed a wry smile. "Who indeed! Do you mean to tell me that you know not of Nahga the Serpent?" 

-=~=-

_"Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"_

_No turning back now..._

Lina held her hands forth and shouted the final words of her incantation. _"Dragon Slave!"_ The spell blazed forth from her hands, and the resulting explosion destroyed her foe (along with a sizeable chunk of the surrounding forest). She had not even been sure what it was exactly that she had been fighting. Whatever it was had been following her for several hours, and in the end, it had taken a spell as powerful as her Dragon Slave to finish it off. This meant that it was very likely that she had not simply happened across a normal run-of-the-mill monster in the course of her travels. Someone had sent that thing to kill her. 

A few days earlier, she and Gourry had been traveling in order to check out a set of ruins. She had purchased a map from a shady-looking fellow in a small town, but the price had been very cheap, and she had been bored, so she felt that she owed herself to at least check the place out. The man had mentioned something about bizarre experiments that were going on, and so part of her had thought that perhaps she might have been able to find something to help out Zelgadis in his quest to return to being human. In the end, however, all she had found was a laboratory full of Vrumugun copies who had kidnapped Queen Martina of Xoana. Still, it had given her the opportunity to work out some stress by blasting things, and the look of indignation on Martina's face at having been saved by her was almost worth it in its own right. 

After her search had turned up fruitless, she had been summoned soon after to Seyruun by a frantic Filia and an even more frantic Amelia. Apparently, Zelgadis had gone and done something with a copy of the Claire Bible that had inadvertently removed him from existence. By the time that Lina had arrived, however, things had (somehow or another) fixed themselves, and so she was able to leave Seyruun behind without having to lift a finger. This was all well and good, because Lina had no idea how she would have been much help to the situation, anyway. On the other hand, Lina had shown firsthand that it was possible to be absorbed by even the Lord of Nightmares and still make it back unscathed, so perhaps there had been some logic into seeking her help after all. 

So, Lina had assumed that the excitement would have died down for a while after having left Seyruun, if even for a few days. But even that had not been the case. 

Gourry poked his head out from around the tree that he was hiding behind. "Didja get him?" he asked, tentatively stepping back out into the open. 

Lina clapped her hands together a few times and shook them out. "Was there ever a doubt?" she replied, flashing Gourry a wink. 

"Is this where you get to the part when you say a bunch of nice words about yourself that're really long?" 

Lina sighed. "Beautiful Sorcery Genius" wasn't that hard of a phrase to remember. But then, this was Gourry, after all. "Let's just get going," she said. "I have a feeling that things are going to start getting uncomfortable in a little bit..." 

"Uncomfortable?" Gourry asked as he walked off after her. "The last time you said that was when we stayed at that tavern with the really small beds and the lousy pillows." 

"I know," Lina responded. "Except this time, our problems won't be solved as easily as waving a fist in the face of a cheapskate innkeep..." 

-=~=-

"Valgaav, honey!" Jillas called out. "Someone's at the door for you!" 

Valgaav turned his head from his copy of _Better Evil Lairs and Gardens Magazine_ and looked down the hallway. "Someone's here to see _me_?" he asked in disbelief. _Who even knows that I live here?_

Jillas stepped out of the way and let Valgaav past. Sure enough, someone was indeed standing just outside of their makeshift doorwell. It was a man draped in long robes. 

"Can I help you?" the Ancient Dragon asked. 

"I'm looking for a Mr. Val Gaav," the mysterious visitor said with a bizarre flat tone of voice. "May I assume that that I you?" 

"It's 'Valgaav,'" he responded a bit bitterly. "And yes, that's me." 

"Very well, Mr. Valgaav. May I come in? I have a... proposal that you may find interesting." 

Valgaav looked back at Jillas, who just shrugged. _Well, he looks like I could put my fist through his chest if he tries anything funny..._ "Sure. Come on in. Just don't mind the mess," he said, gesturing inside. The man stepped in, and for the first time, Valgaav noticed the sparkling gem embedded in his forehead. 

"My name is Vrumugun," the man said, dusting his robes off in the foyer. He looked up at Jillas. "Your pet is quite well-trained." 

As they made eye contact, the fox averted his gaze shyly from Valgaav's. _Oh, if you could only see the tricks he can do..._ Valgaav tried to rub the grin from his face as he turned back to Vrugumun. "Please, follow me. I'm interested in hearing this 'proposal' of yours." 

Vrugumun spoke as the three of them walked down the corridor into what was Valgaav's and Jillas' "guest room," so-to speak. Not that they ever had any guests. Still, Valgaav had a certain sense of pride that he should still be equipped with a fully furnished home that would be ready to function as anything at a moment's notice. "Mr. Valgaav, I represent--well, for the time being, whom I represent is not important. We merely have a... small favor to ask of you." 

Valgaav smiled. "You need me, eh?" 

Nodding lightly in the affirmative, Vrumugun continued. "We've been told that you possess a certain power." 

"Does this involve me killing Golden Dragons?" Valgaav asked excitedly. 

"Um... no, it--" 

"Well then can it?" 

Vrumugun stuttered some more. "Erm... maybe. You'll have to take it up with him when he gets here." 

Valgaav stopped thinking of murdering his enemies for a moment. "Wait... 'him?'" 

"You'll find out soon enough," Vrumugun said, keeping the same dry tone to his voice. "Assuming you help us, that is." 

"So what exactly is it that you need me for?" _Damnit, if it's not killing Golden Dragons, it had at least better still be something interesting._

Vrumugun looked around the room as if searching for something. "Like I said, we've heard that you have a power... a power source, rather. We wish to make use of this." 

Valgaav stopped for a second and thought. Then he remembered the magical energy source that used to power the transporter that had led to the Pillar of Light. Right now, all he and Jillas were using it for was to power the microwave and the washing machine. "Yes, that's right," Valgaav answered. "May I ask what you'd like to use it for?" 

"Certainly," Vrumugun said. "We need power for a machine--a series of machines, actually--to help us make copies." 

"Has your office had a blackout or something?" Valgaav asked. Imagine, having to ask someone as powerful as him to help power clerical machines! 

"You misunderstand, Mr. Valgaav. I refer not to paper, but rather to living beings." 

Valgaav's interest was officially piqued. "Oh? Tell me more." 

Jillas sidled up and placed a paw softly on Valgaav's shoulder from behind. "I'm not sure if this is a good idea," he said timidly. 

"Whether it is a good idea or not is not for you to decide, fox," Vrumugun said, still sounding flat, but with a detectable trace of contempt to his voice. "Anyway, I shall be glad to answer your questions, Mr. Valgaav. First..." 

-=~=-

_".... and so in closing, we would like to thank the Animal God Official's Office for helping preserve our habitat, even if __does_ mean that we have to share it with some unnatural beats from now on." 

This letter from a group of spotted owls from Seyruun was one of the few letters that Xellos had gotten today that was actually pleasant. And so far, there had been no requests for him to star in any yaoi fanfics with Miwan, either, which was always a welcome change of pace. 

_It's too quiet. Something is bound to surprise me today..._ Xellos tried to shake the feeling from him as he reached into his inbox for the next letter. There was no return address on it... nor, for that matter, was there anything written on it at all. Xellos held it closer to his face and inspected it. It reeked of cigarette smoke. 

"It couldn't be..." Xellos uttered aloud. Without reaching for his new Ragud Mezegis-shaped letter opener, he tore the envelope open with his fingers and carefully plucked the letter out from within. Unfolding it before his eyes, he read slowly: 

_Xellos,   
You are to report to me on Wolfpack Island--**immediately**.   
A special assignment has been prepared for you._

_-Zelas Metallium_

Xellos just barely resisted the urge to squeal with schoolgirlish delight. 

The Greater Beast had finally made his dreams come true. 

-=~=-

"So, I still haven't caught your name," Nahga asked Rezo as they walked along through the woods. She wasn't bad company, and the fact that she had a rack that could distract even Shabranigdo didn't hurt, either. 

"My name?" Rezo thought for a moment. _Do I tell her my name's Rezo? I'm not even sure that it is..._ "I..." 

Nahga smirked. "Don't wanna tell me, eh? Well, no matter, I guess. Just one question..." 

_Kill her!_

Rezo shook his head. _Kill her! Come on, it'd be so easy! She's not even expecting it!_ The voice inside his head was bizarrely compelling. This was mostly because the voice was pretty sexy. But Rezo found against his own mind. "One question?" Rezo echoed back. 

_You pansy! Elmekia Flame her ass into the next century! You know you can do it. No one will know._

Nahga coughed politely. "I _am_ going to get a reward for saving your life, right?" 

_Cuts right to the chase, doesn't she?_ "Reward?" Rezo asked, somewhat stunned by her frankness. He knew that he had nothing, but also did not want to give up Nahga's protection. "Of--of course! When we get to the next village, I have a friend who owes me some money. Then we can--" 

"Say no more, good sir!" Nahga said cheerfully, slapping him on the shoulder. "The faster we hurry along, the happier we'll both be!" 

-=~=-

Lina hummed smugly to herself as she bounded down the stairs. She had just cast a Sleeping spell on Gourry while he was in his room, and so now she could enjoy a meal at the dining hall downstairs without interruption. She was coming up opon "that time" of the month, and she wanted all the energy that she could get. For tonight, she just wanted to pig out free of distractions, and hopefully forget that someone was apparently out to kill her. 

"Hey Pops!" Lina shouted as she entered the room. "Load me up with a little bit of everything you got!" Before the innkeeper could utter whatever response he was planning, Lina had already tossed a sizeable bag of gold onto the counter as she walked past and sat down at an empty table. A few of the other tavern patrons stared at her, but she was used to that by this stage in her life. 

A barmaid quickly scurried over and placed a decanter of some type of alcoholic beverage on Lina's table, along with a single tiny glass. Lina poured some and took a sniff. Still unsure of what it actually was, she sampled a taste. _Hmm... not bad,_ she thought, sipping a bit more before putting it down. She whistled happily, taking in the scent of the food cooking as it wafted through the air. For a small place like this, the kitchen looked rather big. This made her drool with happy anticipation. Soon, her belly would be full, and she would be content. 

A few minutes passed, and then one of the workers emerged from the kitchen. In his hands was what appeared to be a plate of sirloin, sizzling lightly. Lina went wide-eyed and actually licked at her lips. "Herewegoherewegoherewego..." She gripped her knife and fork in her hands to the point of sweating. 

Just then, the wall exploded forth, and the dining room was flooded with flames. The waiter tripped and stumbled, sending the tray crashing to the floor. Lina hopped to her feet and drew herself back into a casting stance. _First they try to hunt me down and kill me, and now they mess with my dinner!_ She gritted her teeth and held her hands at the ready, waiting to fire off whatever spell would turn out to be appropriate. 

Some of the brawnier customers had jumped to their feet as well and had whatever weapons they carried ready. The rest had all either already fled screaming, or sat huddling in a corner in fear of the flames. Moment after moment ticked by with nothing happened, increasing the atmosphere of dread. Finally, another magical blast rocked the opposite wall, causing it too to splinter inwards, spreading more fire throughout the inn. 

Lina cautiously backed up and stared at the ceiling as a groaning, creaking nose sounded throughout the wooden frame of the building... 

-=~=-


	2. Figaro

Valgaav sat and watched Jillas as the fox eyed the group of Vrumuguns who were setting up the Copy Chambers. He put his arm around his lover and drew him closer. "You're nervous, aren't you?" he asked. 

Jillas nodded meekly. "I just... I still think this is a bad idea." 

"Don't worry, foxy," Valgaav said as he tousled Jillas' hair. "If anything funny happens, I'll be able to handle it." He pulled Jillas closer against him and held him tightly, noting that none of the Vrumuguns seemed to pay much attention to the fact that they were doing this anyway. Jillas snuggled back and shuddered nervously. 

One of the Vrumuguns (Valgaav had _no_ way to tell them apart) sauntered up to the pair on the couch. "If you would lend us your attention, we are ready to begin a demonstration of the Copy Chamber." 

Valgaav and Jillas stood up. Nodding to Vrumugun, Valgaav followed the sorcerer over to the one chamber that was actually lit up. It was full of some type of yellowish-green fluid, but was otherwise empty. Vrumugun reached into a drawer and took out a slab of stone. 

"We will test the machine by trying to duplicate this simple prehistoric lifeform," Vrumugun said. For the first time, Valgaav noticed that the piece of rock bore an impression of what looked like a strange cross between and insect and a crab. Vrumugun inserted the slab into a small compartment next to the chamber and closed it, flicking a switch afterwards. "Hopefully, we shall see results very soon." 

A bizarre couple of minutes ticked by, as a living being slowly formed within the tank from seemingly nothing. Valgaav watched in awe while the bizarre creature was pieced together, and soon, it appeared to be complete. Vrumugun pulled another lever, and the liquid drained from the tank and the glass slid open. The little critter crawled out and fell onto the ground. After a moment of apparent recovery, it began to scuttle about the floor. Valgaav kept his eye on it until it stopped moving a few minutes later. Jillas stepped over and nudged it with his foot, but it remained motionless. 

"I think it's dead," Jillas said. 

"I think it just needed water," Vrumugun responded. Valgaav thought he heard surprise in the magician's dull voice. 

Another Vrumugun made his way over, picked up the dead creature, then shuffled off to the room behind the machines. Valgaav just blinked a few times. 

"So you're telling me that you can duplicate anything with just a tiny piece of it?" Valgaav asked in disbelief. This was simply too incredible. 

Vrumugun nodded. "Just about anything. We've never know it to fail so far. But now that we know it works, we can begin the actual plan. Your thanks again for allowing us to set up our facilities here, Mr. Valgaav." He nodded again, and then stepped off to join his companions. 

Valgaav and Jillas turned and stared at each other. They both shrugged and walked back to their couch, flopping down on it with simultaneous fwumping. Jillas rested his head back up against Valgaav's shoulder. "So, what do you think they're going to be copying, anyway?" he asked Valgaav, his voice sounding far off. 

"What... or who...? I don't know..." Valgaav answered. He, too, was wondering the exact same thing. 

At that moment, something clicked in Valgaav's brain, and he got a wicked idea... 

-=~=-

Animal God Official Xellos stood alone, having just left the presence of the Greater Beast. A strange, long-forgotten feeling coursed through his being, and he tapped his staff lightly on the ground a few times. He could feel his hands trembling with anticipation, and he looked off into the distance with a fresh sense of determination that he had not known for a time so long that he could barely remember. Finally, he had been given the chance that he had been so desperately wanting. 

Finally, it was time... 

_At last..._

-=~=-

"Gourry! Gourry!" Lina shouted at the top of her lungs. She coughed lightly a few times as smoke got into her lungs. Undeterred, she made her way further into the smoldering wreckage of the inn. _This is all my fault! If I hadn't cast that Sleeping spell on him, then... If this all happened because I was selfish and wanted some extra food, I..._ Lina squeezed her eyes shut and shouted again. _"Gourry!"_

Lina got down and started to pick up large planks of wood, doing her best to haul them out of the way. _Please, Gourry, you have to be here somewhere. You _have_ to be, or else I..._

Suddenly, Lina heard a strange swishing sound behind her that she had heard many times before. The hair on the back of her neck began to stand on end as she swirled around. "Xellos!" she called out, knowing already that he would be there. 

"My, my, Miss Lina, is that any way to say 'Hello' after all this time?" Xellos asked in his usual cocky tone of voice. The mysterious priest was floating in the air, sitting on his staff like it were some sort of railing that connected to nothing. 

"_You_ did this, didn't you?" Lina shouted, pulling her hands back, getting ready to cast a spell. _Maybe Xellos is too powerful for me... but I can't forgive this! I have to at least go down fighting!_

Xellos waved his hand at her coyly. "Why do you have to jump to such awful conclusions, Miss Lina? After all, I've only come to give you some friendly, helpful advice." 

Lina kept her hands at the ready, knowing well enough that she should trust nothing that Xellos ever said at face value. "Friendly and helpful? You? Don't make me laugh!" 

"I could just leave, if you'd like..." Xellos responded, opening his eyes just slightly. Lina cringed instinctively. Whenever Xellos opened his eyes, it meant that something more evil than usual was brewing. 

"I suppose I can at least hear you out," Lina said, dropping her hands to her sides. "You'd just better hope I like what I hear." 

Xellos grinned. "I'm not sure I'd be saying such things if I were in your position, Miss Lina. But fair enough. First, I'll let you know that Gourry isn't here." 

"Where is he?" Lina demanded. "What have you--" 

"Temper, temper, Miss Lina!" Xellos said, cutting her off and waving his finger at her. "I've done nothing to your dear friend. I promise. However, if you ever want to see him again..." 

"If I ever want to see him again...?" Lina snapped back, growing quite impatient with her little visitor. 

Xellos kept his telltale smile on his face. "If you ever want to see him again, I suggest you pay a certain Ancient Dragon friend of ours a visit. And do hurry, might I add. I'm not sure how much time will be on your side, I'm afraid." With that, Xellos' form flickered and disappeared, leaving Lina alone to stand by the heat of the burning building. Lina bit her lip in anger, then looked off into the sky. 

_Valgaav..._

-=~=-

This Nahga person may have been rather eccentric, but she certainly was capable of holding her own in a battle. Her magical abilities were nothing to scoff at... well, if you left out the golems, at any rate. Since meeting with her, she and Rezo had been attacked several times. The first few waves had been wolves, similar to the first pack that he had encountered. But now, he and Nahga were facing down a band of beastmen who looked rather... uncivil. 

"Are you sure that's him?" one of the beastmen in the back called out. "I thought he was supposed to be wearing red!" 

_That's what_ I _thought..._ Rezo mused idly. 

"No, it's him," the apparent leader of the group answered. He looked like some type of werewolf, and was noticeably bigger than the rest of the squad. "They said that he was with a woman who was--well, I mean, just _look_ at her! It _has_ to be her!" 

What appeared to be some form of dog-man in the back snickered. "Hey boss, can we just forget about the guy and grab her instead?" 

Rezo raised his hands and began to chant a spell, only to be cut off by Nahga. 

_"Demona Crystal!"_ A thick mist sprayed up and suddenly froze solid, trapping the wisecracking beastman within a pillar of ice. The rest of them leapt to all sides in shock. 

"Get them!" the leader shouted, and began to rush at Rezo while brandishing a rather large cutlass. The rest soon followed suit, with more than half of them running (unsurprisingly) towards Nahga. 

With a confident smirk, Rezo pointed at the attacker. _"Gaav Flare!"_ he cried out. But the werewolf kept charging, as nothing had come of Rezo's attempted spell. "Im--impossbile!" he shouted, too late to dodge the rushing beastman. The swinging blade cleaved into Rezo's side, causing him to drop to the ground in agony as blood poured from him. 

Rezo lay on the ground, losing sight quickly. _"Fehlzareid!"_ he heard Nahga call out, followed by the death screams of several beastmen. Everything was going dark. Why had the werewolf not finished him off yet? There was still a shadow looming over him. At least, he assumed that it was a shadow. _Why... why didn't my Gaav Flare go off?_

He placed his hand on his side. _"Recov--"_ A swift kick to the chest caused Rezo's spell to stop short, and he coughed up a sizeable wad of blood. Nahga's wicked laughter rang through the air. Evidently, she was on the winning end of things. Either that, or she was merely enjoying the thrill of combat. The beastman who had cut him down was still looming over him, however. 

Suddenly, Rezo's spine twitched with a cold chill as he felt a new presence enter the clearing. It felt as if a twinge of evilness was vibrating in the depths of his own soul. It was an indescribable feeling--one that was horrifyingly familiar. 

A new voice cut through the sounds of combat. _"Blast Bomb!"_ Closing his weakened eyes due to the brightness, Rezo soon lost consciousness as an explosion blanketed the area. 

-=~=-

Valgaav nuzzled Jillas one more time, making sure that the fox was fully asleep. Satisfied that his lover would not be waking up, he leapt adroitly from the bed and padded softly over to Jillas' closet. He opened the door slowly and began to fish around inside for what he knew would be the largest piece of clothing in there. A scant few seconds passed, and Valgaav drew out an extremely long trenchcoat. 

After the Demon Dragon King had somehow come back to life, and had then been taken from Valgaav again, the trenchcoat had still remained. Not wanting Jillas to know about his little roll in the hay with Gaav (unfulfilled as it had been, damnit), Valgaav had pretended that the strange trenchcoat had been a surprise gift for his furred companion. Jillas seemed to buy this excuse, depsite the fact that the fox was easily several feet too short to possibly wear it. To Valgaav's knowledge, he had never attempted to wear it, either, but he got the impression that Jillas' had still been extremely moved by the fact that he was getting doted on and pampered with gifts. And in truth, Valgaav loved knowing that he could make Jillas happy. This fact was making him feel a strange twinge of guilt as he was doing what he was doing. 

What felt like an eternity of moments slipped by, strung together like the pieces of a candy necklace. Finally, Valgaav pinched his fingers together as he seized his prize and held it up to the moonlight. This is what he had been searching for--a single crimson strand of hair. He hung the trechcoat back up and tiptoed mischievously out of the bedroom. 

Outside in the main room, the whirring sound of the Copy Chamber machinery was almost deafening due to Valgaav's desire for secrecy. He looked around cautiously, making sure that none of the identical sorcerers were here. They would undoubtedly try to stop him. Seeing no one, Valgaav slinked over to the Copy Chambers quickly. Some of them were already in use, growing what appeared to be more copies of Vrumugun. _Bizarre..._

"Can I help you, Mr. Valgaav?" One of the Vrumuguns had turned the corner and spotted him. 

_Uh-oh!_ Valgaav folded his hands together and put them behind his back. "Yes, actually," he said. "Come over here. I'd like you to explain something about how these machines work." 

"Certainly, Mr. Valgaav," Vrumugun said as he drifted closer. "What exactly would you like to know?" 

Valgaav pointed to a random dial. "This bit here... what exactly does it do?" he asked, pretending to sound interested. 

The Vrumugun leaned in closer. "Ah, this one," he said. "Well, you see--" Valgaav shot his arms up and placed both hands on either side of the sorcerer's head. "Are you feeling all right, Mr. Valg--" Valgaav twisted Vrumugun's head violently to one side, and smiled at the sickening crunch that was heard as his neck snapped. The Ancient Dragon let the body crumple to the floor, then gave it a tiny kick. _They can always make a new one, anyway._

Grinning, Valgaav opened up the loading chamber, remembering how the Vrumugun from before had shown him when he copied the strange creature from before. He carefully placed the precious piece of hair inside, then closed it and looked down for the "On" switch. Finding it quickly, he activated the chamber, and watched and waited. 

Valgaav tapped his foot impatiently as he watched the pieces of flesh grow together. _This is taking too long! There's gotta be a way to speed things up..._ He looked across all of the dials, knobs, switches and levels on the panel. Maybe he _should_ have gotten some information about how this thing worked, after all... 

With a tiny eep of happiness, Valgaav spotted a slider bar that was clearly marked "Copying Speed." It was currently set at _Normal Speed_. He reached over and slid the level up to _Ridiculous Speed_, then looked into the tank. It was beginning to bubble more quickly, and t did indeed seem that the internal process had gotten faster. Still not satisfied, Valgaav stuck the level up to the maximum _Ludicrous Speed_ setting. 

Smiling contently, Valgaav stared back into the Copy Chamber, watching as, piece by piece, Chaos Dragon Gaav was slowly put back together. 

-=~=-

Rezo slowly opened his eyes. There was nothing but blackness. Blackness, and then cold. "I'm dead..." 

"Not quite." 

With a start, Rezo bolted upright. It was then that he noticed that the wounds he had received in battle were gone. He looked over at who had spoken to him. It was a peculiar looking man with dark purple hair, dressed in the robes of a priest. "Who are you? Where am I?" Rezo demanded. 

The priest smiled back at him and waved a finger. "That, I'm afraid, is a secret." He took a few steps closer. "However, I'm sure you have more than a few other questions on your mind. Am I correct?" 

Rezo stared back at him. He sounded so damn cocky. Moreover, it was like he had just read his mind. "My name... is it Rezo?" he asked. Something told him that this smiling priest would know the answer to that. 

"Oh, my!" the purple-haired man said, clapping his hands lightly. "You know more than we thought! Excellent!" He puts his hands back down and took another step. "Yes, you are indeed Rezo. More specifically, you are... Rezo the Third. Rezo version three-point-oh, if you will." 

A bolt of pain shot through Rezo's mind. "And what exactly do you mean by that?" he shouted, his voice dripping with worry more than anger. As much as what he was being told didn't make any sense, something about it made Rezo feel like it was the truth. 

"Well, I suppose that the only way to tell you is to tell you. But I don't think you're going to like what you hear." Was there anything that this man said that didn't sound like some kind of riddle. 

"Tell me!" Rezo pleaded. "I must know!" He was desperate. His brain was swimming with questions like a pond in the woods was swimming with tadpoles. 

"Like I said," the priest continued. "You are the third Rezo. The two before you have been unfortunately... eliminated. Someone has recreated you in the hopes of--well, what _they're_ trying to do isn't important. What matters is that _we_ have different plans for you, my dear Red Priest." 

Rezo shook his head. "Nonsense! The Red Priest was blind! But I can see perfectly. How could I possibly be him?" 

The smiling priest clicked his tongue and shook his head. "How little you truly know. You know who the Red Priest is, but you haven't put it together, have you? No matter. You'll have remembered everything soon enough..." 

Looking back up, Rezo saw his visitor open his eyes. Something flared up in the back of his brain, and everything went red... 

-=~=-

Lina pressed on into the night, trying to fight off sleep as long as possible. How late had it even gotten? It wasn't important, though. What was important was finding Gourry. 

The woods were beginning to thin out. This made her trekking much easier. She continued walking at a brisk pace, determined to reach her destination as soon as possible. And if Xellos was playing some sort of trick on her by making her do this, so help her... 

A large groaning noise felt like it had floated up through Lina's entire body. She staggered and slumped up against a tree trunk. In reality, she was completely exhausted. But she couldn't afford to take the time to rest. Gourry's safety depended on it. She had to keep on going. 

_Who am I kidding? I won't be able to rescue Gourry like_ this. _I need to get some rest._ The problem was, how much time would she be able to spare? She needed enough time to recover enough to be able to travel and be in fighting condition. But would something have happened to Gourry by the time she finally got there? 

Second guessing herself right now was meaningless. She would just need to sleep things off and hope that she would still have time remaining. For now, she simply could not remain conscious any longer... 

-=~=-

In had been, in short, delicious. 

Lina Inverse had supplied Xellos with his favorite meal of them all: despair. 

At first, the fear and confusion had made pretty good aperitif. After whetting his whistle, Lina had proceeded to make things more delicious by adding in a few dashes grief and loss. The main course of the despair that he loved the taste of so much was made even better by the wonderful side of guilt that accompanied it. The anger that she had felt after he had revealed his presence had made for a more than adequate dessert as well. It was all so thoroughly exquisite! 

The foolish girl had even bought that story about Gourry and Valgaav! Had she stopped for even _two_ seconds to think of how _ridiculous_ of an idea that was? It didn't make sense in the least! But then again, he _was_ the Trickster Priest, after all. He _did_ have a knack for certain things. 

His encounter with the latest copy of Rezo the Red Priest had been quite fun as well. The man had been near-dripping with desperation and pain and doubt. He had trembled in Xellos' presence, too, as if something in his subconscious had been feeding him some kind of knowledge as to what he was. And that single instant when Xellos had finally "enlightened" Rezo about the true nature of his being had been filled with such a pure, unadulterated horror that had tasted so very, very good. 

Now, the only thing to do was to sit back and wait for everything to unfurl. The plans of the Greater Beast were always perfect, after all... 

-=~=-


	3. Magnifico

"Faster, Gaav... faster!" Valgaav muttered with frustration. At this pace, how could he possibly be satisfied? If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought that Gaav was doing this out of sheer spite in order to displease him. 

The tank continued to bubble wickedly, and the Demon Dragon King's body was almost complete. His long, luxurious red hair floated about slowly in the strange liquid. His broad chest and wide shoulders still looked lovely, even through the glass. And the rest of him... well, the rest of him was certainly there, all right, and it caused Valgaav to grin with lust. 

Valgaav blinked. For a second, he thought he had seen a young girl with red eyes and blue hair floating in the tank, but after shaking his head, he saw that it was indeed still his precious Gaav. He had been feeling a bit off the entire evening, admittedly. _Musta been Jillas' quiche from earlier._

The machines continued to make their bizarre noises. Pipes and tubes churned and pumped odd fluids, and gears and other internal parts whirled internally. Every so often, a strange clicking sound could be heard, and some of the lights were really pretty and flashy. Everything was so distracting, in fact, that Valgaav hadn't heard the door to his bedroom open and close. 

"Valgaav, honey? Why are you out of bed?" It was Jillas, clad in his baby boy blue pajamas and matching nightcap. The fox reached up and rubbed at his eye sleepily. He flopped his feet a bit as he padded closer over to Valgaav. 

The Ancient Dragon stumbled back in surprise, knocking several switches and levels out of position. "Ji--Jillas, dear! Wh--what are you doing up at this hour?" he asked, utterly failing in his attempt to sound concerned. He reached a hand back and tried to flick the switches back into the proper positions, but he had _no_ idea where any of them belonged. 

"I was gonna ask _you_ that," Jillas responded. He sounded very, very tired. _Okay, Jillas... pay no attention to the naked, resurrected Chaos Dragon in the glass tube behind me._ The fox stifled a cute, tiny yawn. "I just woke up from a bad dream and you weren't in bed, so..." 

Valgaav nonchalantly kept pawing at the control panel behind him, fully aware that he was likely only making it worse. "Bad dream, huh? The one about the convention again?" 

"No, the one with the ferret." 

"Oh. That one." Valgaav shuddered. He was perfectly content to _not_ hear Jillas go into detail about _that_ one again. 

Jillas looked around the room in a bit of a daze. "So why are you up, anyway?" he asked. So far, the fox didn't seem the least bit concerned at Gaav's naked body in the chamber behind him. 

Valgaav tried to think of a quick lie. "I was just up getting a glass of water, that's all." Maybe Jillas wouldn't notice the fact that he had no glass of water, and that he was nowhere remotely near the kitchen sink. 

"Oh, all right," Jillas replied with a shrug. "You coming back to bed then, honey?" 

"Of course. In a few minutes, foxy," Valgaav said. He leaned in to kiss Jillas on the side of the muzzle and stumbled a bit over the corpse of Vrumugun at his feet. Just how oblivious _was_ Jillas, anyway? 

Jillas wiggled his nose cutely and ruffled Valgaav's pretty green hair. "Okay. I'll see you in a few minutes, then." He winked and skipped back off to their bedroom. Valgaav smiled as he watched him. Despite everything, he _was_ still quite adorable. There was never a shortage of great reasons to have Jillas around. He just had... other things to think about right now. Valgaav turned around to go back to the task at hand. Then, his jaw dropped. 

The Copy Chamber had drained, and the glass capsule had opened. Long, flowing red hair picked up as a draft swept through the room. Pale, wet skinned glistened in the dim light. Valgaav could do naught but stare. 

"Gaav..." 

-=~=-

Everything was all so perfectly clear now. He could he not have seen it before? 

Sure, maybe things had been a bit "fuzzy" before, but there was no excuse for having missed the blatantly obvious. But the fact of the matter was that he _had_ missed it. However, at this point, that no longer mattered. What mattered was that everything had finally fallen into place. 

In a way, it was almost funny. It was almost funny that he had been able to make it as far as he had without having realized the truth--awful at the same time it was beautiful. Right now, it was that very truth that was driving him on to a new purpose. 

Soon, fools everywhere would know their true place. Soon, the weak and strong alike would cower before him. And soon, the world would once again speak his name in whispers. But this time, it would not be spoken as if he were some legend. This time, it would be spoken in secret because everyone would know that he was very, very real. 

The world would soon come to tremble at the name of Rezo the Red Priest. 

-=~=-

It was almost sunrise. The first bits of light were beginning to pour over the horizon. Lina's vibrantly colored hair glistened as the waves of sun glanced over it, despite the fact that she had been traipsing through the woods all night. It was very pretty and shiny and had absolutely _wonderful_ body. In fact, the whole effect would have made for a really great shampoo commercial. 

Lina stood and faced Valgaav's lair. It had been a long time since she had last seen it, and she couldn't say that she was exactly happy to be back. Things looked relatively unchanged. Even the little tulip garden looked as carefully tended as ever. Although there was _something_ about it that kinda looked a bit more... fabulous. 

Suddenly, a runaway thought shot its way through Lina's head. 

_Wait a second... Gourry and I were at that inn last night, right? And we had just left Seyruun a few days before. Now, Valgaav's hideout is located on the outside of the old barrier, right? And I've been walking the whole way here. Shouldn't it have taken me several weeks to get here or something?_

Lina kept staring at the entrance of the fortress. Sure enough, this was definitely it. There was no mistaking Valgaav's lair. No one else could possible have such well-coordinated drapes. 

Mustering the rest of her courage, Lina sucked in a deep breath and steeled forward, heading off to face Valgaav and reclaim her Gourry... 

-=~=-

Valgaav stretched his arms wide and let Gaav fall up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around the taller man and bore down on one knee a bit in order to support the two of them. The Chaos Dragon was a bit lighter than Valgaav remembered him as having been, but that was likely due to the fact that the trenchcoat probably weighed a whole lot, too. Then again, it wasn't like Valgaav had never supported the weight of Gaav naked before, either. But too much was racing through his brain right now for him to calculate things like that. 

Gaav lay slumped forward, his hair dangling down in thick, wet locks from his head. Valgaav put a hand on his chin and lifted his face up to stare into his eyes. The stare that looked back at him seemed oddly vacant. "Gaav... it's me..." Valgaav said softly, fighting back the urge to weep with joy. 

The Demon Dragon King looked back up at him blankly. His jaw slowly fell open and a dull groan escaped. "Where... am I?" he asked. His eyes didn't look like they were focusing. Valgaav tried to hoist Gaav up to his knees. 

"We're home," Valgaav responded. "My home. _Our_ home." 

Gaav peered back down at him with the same empty expression. "I... I can't see..." He was mumbling. Before he could stumble, Valgaav quickly braced his arms out again. "Who... who're you?" Gaav asked. 

Valgaav stared up at Gaav. "It's me! It's Val!" His voice sounded almost like a pathetic, girly whimper. "You remember me, right?" 

"Val... gaav..." Gaav repeated back slowly. His eyes looked like they were slowly moving back into focus. "I..." 

"Come on, Gaav! Aren't you happy to see me?" Valgaav pleaded. "Say something to me!" 

But Gaav kept looking back at him with the same look of near-stupefaction. "Who..." The unfinished question trailed off into nothingness. Valgaav's eyes began to tear up ever-so-lightly. 

"Aren't you even _angry_ with me?" Valgaav demanded. "Or hey! I heard that Hellmaster Phibrizzo said that he could whoop your pansy little ass any day of the week! Are you gonna let him get away with that?" He was determined to get _some_ reaction out of Gaav. He was pretty sure that he saw Gaav's eyes twitch at least a _little_ when he had said 'Phibrizzo,' anyway. 

Whatever was going through the Chaos Dragon's head didn't seem like anger, however. He seemed more dull and boring than anything else, actually. 

Valgaav grabbed Gaav firmly by the shoulders and began to shake him wildly. "Damnit, Gaav! Take your aggression out on me! Hold me down and make me your bitch like you used to!" He had completely forgotten that Jillas and the Vrumuguns could probably hear him, as he was shouting very, very loudly now. 

If anyone hadn't heard him before, they were certainly going to in a few moments. 

"Make me your bitch, Gaav! _Make me your bitch!_" Overwhelmed with rage and frustration, Valgaav reached back and slapped Gaav hard across the face with all of his strength. Gaav reeled back heavily, stood dazed for a moment, and then turned back to face him. 

"Why did you hit me?" he asked, reaching up to rub his cheek. He sounded more legitimately confused than angry. But at least he seemed more... attentive. 

Valgaav sniffled. "Gaav, what's wrong with you?" he asked. "Why are you acting so strange?" 

Gaav blinked a few times, and stared back down at Valgaav with an expression that still looked like confusion. This time, however, it was a markedly different kind of confusion. "I'm sorry. I don't think we've met." 

At that moment, Valgaav shrunk back inside his own thoughts, and watched as the vision of he and his Gaav living happily ever after shatter into countless pieces before his mind's eye. Gaav, the man (dragon?) was back. 

But Gaav, the person that he knew and loved, was gone. 

-=~=-

Xellos pitter-pattered about giddily, waiting and waiting. He was desperate to see how his efforts would pay out. It was all so very exciting! After all, as of late, it wasn't like he got to do things like this every day. The things that he did every day made him want to put sharp, pointy objects into his skull--assuming, that was, that he had an actual skull to put sharp, pointy objects into. Being an entity whose true form lay on the Astral Plane _did_ have its disadvantages. 

Part of him wished that he would've gotten a chance to have interfered even more. It was simply just _that_ fun to get to watch pawns file into their places so neatly and mindlessly like this. Xellos never tired of basking in the warm, wonderful glow of the Greater Beast's infinite wisdom. Of course, he most certainly _did_ tire of his job as Animal God Official, but he would never, ever tell her that. 

He wondered how long things were going to take before the next phase of his master's plan came into fruition. By his estimate, it wouldn't be long. Mistress Metallium was infallible, after all. Waiting was just a tiny bit irksome. That was all the problem was. He wanted to see with his own eyes just how wonderful everything was bound to turn out. He felt like a young child waiting restlessly to open his presents on his birthday. 

A distinct chill filled the air. Xellos licked his lips. Things were beginning to start... he could feel it. _Time to check and see exactly how this all turns out..._

-=~=-

"You!" 

"Oh, please, I don't have time for _this_ again!" Lina muttered as he pulled her hand back. _"Flare Arrow!"_ She fired her spell out at the copy of Vrumugun that she had just encountered. Why the Hell were there Vrumuguns _here_, of all places? Without even moving (perhaps out of shock) the Vrumugun took the Flare Arrow dead on the chest and collapsed back against the wall as his cloak and his flesh burned. 

Dashing down the hallway, Lina gritted her teeth. Gourry had _better_ be all right, or there was no guarantee that she wouldn't resort to using the Giga Slave for the sole purpose of channeling her wrath. Of course, if things came to that, it would mean that everything was perhaps already too late for her anyway. 

Two more Vrumugun copies came rushing at her. Before they could even raise their arms, Lina's fireball had already struck between them, effectively blasting them out of her way (and out of existence). Finally, Lina saw the very literal light at the end of her tunnel. 

_"Freeze Arrow!"_

Without her having realized it, one of the Vrumuguns she had broken through before had evidently survived, and had come after her. Split-second reflexes caused Lina to drop to the ground and roll, letting the magical icicle pass over her head. As she brought herself up to her knees, Lina raised her hands before her and shouted. 

_"Damu Bras!"_ This time, for sure, Vrumugun collapsed and did not move. 

Lina got back to her feet and dusted herself off, then flung her cape back over her shoulders neatly. She headed back off towards the light that she knew lead to Valgaav's inner sanctum... and hopefully, to Gourry. 

There was loud shouting coming from inside. It sounded like Valgaav, she thought, but she couldn't be sure because it was too muffled and hysterical. Just what _was_ going on here, anyway? 

Soon, Lina arrived at her destination. And there, she stopped and blinked several times at the scene that played out before her. 

Valgaav was standing there, holding up a very wet and very naked Demon Dragon King Gaav. Behind them was a row of Copy Chambers, very much like the ones she had found and destroyed in Xoana. Most of the chambers looked like they were still growing whatever (or whoever) it was that was being grown. A few of them had mostly-formed Copy Vrumuguns within them. Still another seemed to be piping out a rapid stream of weird, crab-looking critters that were crawling all over the floor. But one stood out among all the rest. On the inside of one of the chambers was the unmistakable figure of Rezo the Red Priest. 

"What the _Hell_ is going on here?" Lina shouted, having been wholly washed over with confusion at this point. 

"It... it's not what it looks like!" Valgaav cried out, immediately sliding over and blocking Gaav's indecent bits from view. Then, the Ancient Dragon stopped and stared at her for a few seconds, reaching up and brushing a few strands of green hair from his eyes. "Wait... why are _you_ here?" 

Lina looked back at him. It certainly didn't seem that Valgaav was using Gourry as bait or anything. In fact, if Gourry had anything to do with this at all, shouldn't Valgaav have not been surprised at her having been there? "Wait a second..." she muttered. 

Suddenly, a host of Vrumugun clones poured out from the room behind the Copy Chambers. One of them stepped out in the front, eyeing the three of them. "Mr. Valgaav, what _are_ you doing?" he asked. 

Once again, Valgaav spun around, trying to cover Gaav's nakedness. "It's not what it looks like!" he repeated. 

The same Vrumugun stood and stared for a few seconds. "It looks to me like you've been using our equipment without permission. It also looks like you--" The magician's words were cut off as Valgaav fired a greenish ball of energy which vaporized his head. The other Vrumuguns widened their eyes in surprise as one of their number was so suddenly and so brutally bumped off. 

"Silence!" Valgaav shouted. "I'm sick of you guys and your damn machines being in my home! Get out of here now or I swear I'll eliminate every last one of you!" 

The crowd of Vrumuguns began to shuffle forward. "Then I'm afraid our friendly relationship has come to an end, Mr. Valgaav. Though I daresay, I don't think you're aware of quite how many of us there are.! 

"Can I just ask something?" Lina said, raising her hand. 

_"What?"_ Valgaav, Gaav, and the entire group of Vrumuguns all spun their heads and shouted at her at once. 

"Am I right in assuming that Gourry _isn't_ here, and that I've just been led here because I'm a sucker?" 

Valgaav huffed. "Gourry? Your little swordsman friend? What use would I have with him?" 

Lina put her hands on her hips. "See, that's what _I_ had just started wondering myself. I mean--" Lina's thoughts and words both suddenly cut short. Several very vivid images went through her head. "Wait, Valgaav... why are _you_ here? I already defeated you! Shouldn't you be a dragon hatchling or something right now, living with Filia?" 

"What the _Hell_ are you talking about, little girl?" Valgaav asked with a sneer. "Defeated? Me?" 

"Think about things for a moment," Lina suggested. "What do you remember about the last time we met?" 

Valgaav sighed and scratched at the side of his pants. "Well, let's see... I summoned Darkstar, got eaten..." He stopped and tapped his foot. "Found out that I was merged with him and Volphied, went on a rampage... made my whole whiny-as-heck speech about wanting to return the world to nothingness. And then..." Valgaav stopped again and rubbed his forehead. "I... I dunno." 

Lina wanted to feel happy about having been right, except that her being right only made her more confused. What did any of this mean? None of this made any sense. 

One of the Vrumuguns coughed politely. "Excuse us, but... we're still going to have to kill you both, you know." 

"Oh well," Lina sighed. "Better make this as quick as possible, then." 

-=~=-

Valgaav let a fierce scowl cross his face. Even an entire legion of copies of this two-bit sorcerer could never hope to compare to his might! Focusing his mental energy, Valgaav transformed his arm and hand into the dark limb and claw of an Ancient Dragon. Sprouting black wings from his back, Valgaav rushed forward and drove his fist through the belly of the closest copy sorcerer, crushing his intestines between his fingers after his hand burst out through his back. With his other hand, Valgaav fired off a few more energy blasts, cleaning up some more of the cannon fodder. 

_"Lords of Darkness of the Four Worlds, I call upon thee! Grant me all of the power you possess!"_

From behind him, Valgaav heard Lina Inverse begin to chant, followed up by some cool sound effects. Apparently, she wasn't about to be leaving without a fight either. _"Dynast Bras!"_ Out of the corner of his eye, Valgaav saw Lina's latest magical attack wipe out more of their opponents, only for more to continue to rush at them from all sides. 

"It's useless to resist, Mr. Valgaav!" another one of the Vrumuguns called out as he fired a spell. Valgaav spun to one side, clawed the face off of one unsuspecting mage, and then charged ahead, neatly decaptiting the one who had just attacked him with a stroke of his arm. 

"Useless to resist?" Valgaav chuckled down at the corpse. "I think not!" 

-=~=-

_There's just no end to them, is there?_ Three more identical version of Vrumugun came at Lina. In an effort to buy herself more time, she put her hands before her and cast her next spell. _"Diem Wing!"_ With the amplification power of the Demons' Blood Talismans, the gust of wind was more than enough to cause all three of her attackers to be blow back against the wall. 

She turned around to see if anyone was coming at her from behind. The ones over at that end of the room, however, seemed more preoccupied with Valgaav--or perhaps Valgaav was simply more occupied with them. Then, Lina's eyes once again fell on the copy of Rezo being grown in the tank. _I have to do something about this..._

Lina placed her hands before her and cupped them, reciting the words to herself under her breath. _"Fireball!"_ she cried out, and flung her ball of flame forward at the Copy Chamber. Just before contact, however, the sparkling shimmer of a magical barrier of some sort caused her spell to fizzle out. She actually took half a step back in shock that such a barrier could be put up by a bunch of incompetent lugs like the Vrumuguns. Before she had a chance to react, she felt a presence behind her. 

"We weren't so foolish this time around, Miss Inverse," the Vrumugun said as he came up behind her. "Even with your amplification spell, your attacks won't break that barrier!" Lina ducked the incoming Freeze Arrow, only to slip on the ground. 

Another pair of Vrumuguns who had come from the side had fired their own spells at the floor, creating a slick, icy surface. Lina looked up at the three wizards as they loomed over her, each wearing the same exact smug sneer. Then, as they raised their hands to finish her off, a familiar sound buzzed in her ears as a blue blur spun through the air, neatly cutting her attackers down one by one. 

"Lina! Are you okay?" 

"Gourry!" Much to her disbelief, the blond-haired swordsman had come to her rescue. He extended a hand down to her, which she gladly took and got to her feet. Gourry nodded at her, then turned back to face the tide of battle, Sword of Light gripped firmly in hand. Lina hopped off of the patch of ice and spun the other way to cover theirs back, hoping that-- 

_Wait... the Sword of Light...?_

Lina watched Gourry as he slashed and struck at the sorcerers one by one, breaking through their numbers quickly. Sure enough, the Sword of Light--Gorun Nova--was there, and it was very real. As much as it didn't make sense, she gathered her concentration back to the matter at hand. _First things first. Let's end this..._

Holding one hand to her side, Lina began to chant the incantation. 

_"Lord of the dreams that terrify..."_

-=~=-

Valgaav laughed in the faces of each of his opponents as he mercilessly slaughtered them one by one. Were they even _attempting_ to put up a decent fight? And now that Lina's little friend with Gorun Nova had shown up, things were getting even messier. Perhaps he'd be able to finish this fight up soon enough that he could still get a good night's sleep. 

Suddenly, Valgaav remembered something: Gaav! He scanned the battlefield that his living room had turned into, but there was no sign of the copied Chaos Dragon. Frantic, Valgaav continued to claw and rip his way through Vrumugun after Vrumugun, then stopped dead in his tracks. 

Darkness began to crackle and gather in Lina Inverse's hand as stepped forth with determination, speaking in a low voice. 

_"Sword of the cold, dark void... free yourself from the heavens' bonds..."_

-=~=-

Far up north in the mountains, a chill wind was blowing. Not that Lei Magnus had a chance of noticing this fact at all, since being frozen in a giant block of ice kind of put a new perspective on what was exactly considered "cold." He tried to clench his fist in disgust and discontent, but that was very much impossible at the moment. 

_'Demon King of the North' my ASS! Sure, I'm the living incarnation of one of the fragments of Shabranigdo, but can I melt a stupid block of ice? NO! I mean, what the Hell? How long do I have to stay frozen here before someone lets me out? Where are my legions of followers? And why isn't Mom doing anything to help me out?_

A strange noise echoed through his body as his stomach growled at him for what felt like the eighty-seven trillionth time for the past thousand years or so. 

_I'm hungry..._

-=~=-

Rezo resisted the urge to tap his staff along the rhythm in his head as he plodded along happily down the corridor. The sounds of the heated battle coming from within were exhilarating! Such pain, terror, and destruction! It felt _good_ to be alive, even if it _were_ for the third time. 

Soon, Lina Inverse would be at his mercy. And then, without mercy, he would destroy her utterly, and probably (okay, most definitely) laugh a sexy, maniacal laugh before, after, and while he did it. It felt good to know that he would finally get his revenge after being killed by her twice. 

_"Become one with my power... one with my body... and let us walk the path of destruction together!"_

Rounding the corner into the main chamber, Rezo arrived at the battle. And there, he stopped, jaw slacked open and eyes wide as he stared at his target--Lina Inverse--as an enormous amount of black energy took shape in her hand. 

_"Power that can smash even the souls of the gods!"_

Rezo blinked once and winced. 

_Oh, crap..._

-=~=-

Lina swung her arms forward and screamed, finishing her spell. 

_"Ragna Blade!"_

The black blade of energy that drew its power from the Lord of Nightmares herself cut across the room, cleaving through the magical barrier with no effort. She raked the Ragna Blade sideways, bursting and shattering the Copy Chambers one by one, smiling widely as they exploded, destroying the new, incomplete Copy Rezo, the Vrumuguns, and the... well, whatever those weird crab-looking things were. 

With a tremendous noise, the entire apparatus erupted with an enormous burst of flame as it tore itself apart. Shrapnel and other pieces of the wall around it flew out at her, some of them just narrowly missing. Then, a loud rumble started to be heard, and the ground began to shake. Lina then realized what was going on--she had started a chain reaction that was going to reach the power source that the machine had been drawing upon. 

"Gourry, let's get out of here!" She ran over to Gourry and grabbed him by the hand. Before he could utter out a protest, Lina had already pointed herself towards the nearest exit. _"Ray Wing!"_ Shooting through the air, Lina and Gourry barreled past the host of shocked Vrumuguns, Valgaav, and--_Wait, who's that other shadowy figure over there?_

Without getting a second chance to see who the newcomer was, the Ray Wing spell continued to propel her forward. Gourry's shouting almost distracted her, but she kept bearing forward. The two of them shot out into the daylight, sailed through the air, and landed in a clump of bushes. Soon thereafter, the muffled sounds of a giant explosion echoed from behind them. 

Lina dragged herself out of the bushes, dusted herself off, and picked a few stray twigs out of her hair. Gourry was still slumped over in the bushes, looking either dazed or unconscious. The empty hilt of his sword was clutched limply in his hand. Lina reached down and picked it up. It certainly _looked_ like the hilt from the Sword of Light, but where had it come from? 

_"Light, come forth!"_ Sure enough, at Lina's words, the blue beam of energy surged forth from the handle. She stood there in awe and confusion, studying it for a few seconds. This was impossible! Sirius had taken all of the Darkstar weapons with him back to his world. How did Gourry manage to...? 

Lina shook her head several times and shook her head. The Sword of Light... Valgaav... her having reached her destination much quicker than ought to have been possible... 

Something was seriously, seriously wrong... 

-=~=-


	4. -=Epilogue=-

Valgaav flopped down on the bed with a heavy sigh. It had been tough work, but he and Jillas had finally succeeded in cleaning the house back up. Together, they had made the place livable again, and maybe it even looked better than before. Jillas hadn't even questioned him about why there were so many dead bodies! All in all, things had turned out better than he had hoped. 

The only question that remained was the whereabouts of Copy Gaav. He hadn't been among the bodies after the explosion. Valgaav had searched everywhere within his lair, but there was no sign of him. 

_No matter,_ he thought. He hadn't remembered him. There would have been nothing there to replace what had been taken away. Valgaav had learned his lesson. He wouldn't play god ever again... until he succeeded in becoming one himself, that was. 

Besides, nothing could compare to the _real_ Gaav. Everyone knew that. 

Jillas leaned over and licked Valgaav on the cheek. "Finally finished, huh?" he asked. "I'm really glad those guys are gone now. I _told_ you that I had a bad feeling about them." 

"Yeah, you're right, foxy," Valgaav responded with a smile, and stroked the side of Jillas' muzzle softly. "Don't worry. From now on, it'll just be you and me here. And nothing will come between us ever again." 

Valgaav thought he saw a tiny tear of joy bead up in Jillas' eye as the two embraced, holding one another tightly. 

-=~=-

_My head hurts..._

He had no idea where he was. He had no idea _who_ he was. In fact, he could remember essentially nothing. All he knew was that when he had woken up, he had been wearing very tattered red robes, and that his voice was very, very sexy. 

And for some reason, whenever he closed his eyes, he got this bizarre image of a woman, laughing hysterically, with a pair of basketballs strapped to her chest... 

-=~=-

Xellos cursed fate righteously. 

Sure, he had done his job, but he hadn't even gotten to see how things had turned out. By the time he had gotten there, the battle had been over. And moreover, instead of seeing the fruits of his labors, he had accidentally caught a glimpse of Valgaav and Jillas in bed as they--no... he refused to let himself think about that ever again, even though he knew the mental image would be burned into his mind for the rest of his life, probably. 

He sighed. Tomorrow would be another boring day at the office... 

-=~=-

The smoke encircled her head like a wreath as she puffed away at her cigarette. Everything was so _simple!_ Things were coming together better than even _she_ had imagined they would! It was so obvious! She had to wonder why no one had ever thought of this before. I mean, was there really any better plan for the job? 

She stopped and smiled. No, of course no one else could have thought this plan up. After all, just because something seemed blindingly obvious to Greater Beast Zelas Metallium didn't mean that it would be so to everyone else... 

-=fin=-


End file.
